You cannot discuss depression
it’s not proper Sunday etiquette to say
“I want to die.”
“I experience nothing.
“I am alone.”
“I am tired all of the time.”
“Food has no taste.”
“The sun has no appeal.”
“The air has gone stale.”
“Life is tiresome.”
“I can’t.”
No one wants to talk to you about you,
they want to talk to you about themselves,
they want to hear a bit and converse,
but no one is keeping score on the topic.
There is no big checklist everyone gets at 18 that says
Have a house by age ___
Have a spouse by age ___
Have your kids by age ___
Retire by age ___
Have this much money saved ___
Exercise this much per ___
There is no guidelines, lad,
there are no safety rails.
You’re solo.
Alone, realistically, with your depression,
with your exhaustion and your despair and your fear.
It’s just you out there, maybe there’s people that care about you,
Not denying that there are.
But they cannot help you.
You are literally the only thing between yourself and the brink.
You are you.
No one else has that kind of control or ability to help you.
Just you.
You’re on your own as much as you’re one of us.
A statistic of __% of ___ are depressed.
You get out of one statistic to join another.
___% of depressed patients recovered after ____.
But it’s just you.
There are doctors, they can tell you to
eat well.
Get some sunlight.
There are therapists, they can teach you
how to train yourself
to see the spiral
to fight the riptide
to soothe the storm.
There are pharmicists, they can sell you
a pill that will make you better
with the following serious side-effects
_____, ______, and ______.
This is a long strangely set up something of words
to tell one of you depressed people,
just one, it might be you, it might be someone else,
that you are 100% the only person who can save yourself.
There are others who can help you fight a war,
but you are the commander, you are the King,
you are accountable for every last thing—
so if you want to die,
if you experience nothing,
if you are alone, not just lonely, but truly, darkly alone,
if you are tired and tasteless and stale and weary—
these words are for you.
Pick a direction. North. South. East. West.
Pick a direction and for as long as you feel you can,
go that direction.
And see how it feels.
See how it feels to walk away.
See how it feels to pretend you can walk away.
And then, when you come to that spot,
and you turn around to walk back.
Take a deep, deep, breath and let it out— you choose the speed.
And take in exactly where you are standing…
when you turn your life around.
get going.
I don’t care if it’s 1 a.m.
No more words.
Get going, lad.
There’s a world out there that needs you.
We’ll talk about why later.
But right now, you have a need, to be walkin’.

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