Peace of Mind

    For years I’ve sought to achieve what I called “Seranish”
   
Believing myself to not be for this world, I swore an oath a long time
ago that as soon as the novels, the Seranish Chronicles, were finished,
I would end my life. Now, as I approach the death day I set as a
deadline for my novels, my 23rd Birthday, I find that something has
gone ary with that oath.
    God says no.
    Such a fact as this
is crazy to believe, crazy to hear of or to nod your head at. But I
know that in some way, some form, God was with me this evening. He told
me Seranish was mine, was always mine, and in time I could “go home” to
the world which I created for myself and my ideals. A truly childish
notion, I know, but stick with me here.
    I can’t write the joy in
my heart, that which has flooded my face with tears, which made me
drive insanely off course from getting home at midnight tonight, to my
boyfriends place of residence, wake him with a flood of kisses and a
hug full of so many tears he almost went into panic.
    This is
what some people might call A New Beginning. So many messages tonight
from a God that must love me more than I can possibly fathom.
   
All of a sudden, I’m okay. All of a sudden, everythings all right, and
I don’t have to lie to myself any more in the mirror.
    I am a protagonist of a long novel of
adventure and hardship and fascination, a story in my own memories that
would be impossible to film, impossible to jot down into some literary
form, some tangible mass for the world to share in.
    My entire
soul, everything I am, has suddenly changed tonight, the weight has
been lifted, and I can’t stop crying for sheer joy of the fact that I
am All Right and Seranish is waiting.

    Thanks be to God. And the Angel he lent me while driving tonight.
   
With all the love this young woman can possess in a single human
lifetime, and all the breath she has in her stretch of time,

    Anna

3 thoughts on “Peace of Mind

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